The Sorrow before the Joy

I think I’m pregnant… most women have been there. That moment your period is a little late, your breast are hurting a bit more than usual and you just have a feeling it might be! If you have been there, then you also know that you convinced yourself it wasn’t true and your period was going to show, you may have got your dates wrong and you should hold off on buying a pregnancy test even if you secretly want it to be true.

I couldn’t help myself, it was positive….. only a very faint positive line, but it was definitely there! I instantly felt joy and excitement and couldn’t wait to show my finance, I knew he would feel the same way. I did what everyone does now and Google faint positive lines and read all the threads of people who had been in similar situations. Even the pregnancy test website said a positive is a positive no matter how faint, so I reassured myself it was because it was so early and thought I would take anther one in a week or so and hopefully it would be stronger.

Even though it was early days, secretly I was super excited about being pregnant and even more so when I saw how happy the news made my fiancé.

Two weeks later and I had accepted the fact I was pregnant and we were over the moon with joy and happiness. Why is it always as soon as you are at your happiest the worst things happen.

I started bleeding and having really bad cramps while at work, so I left early and went to the hospital where they confirmed a miscarriage.

I was in shock and lost for words, I had only just come to terms with being pregnant, and now I wasn’t. I never thought I would feel this way about it, I went home and cried, I could tell my fiancé was upset too and I felt like I had failed him and us.

I know miscarriage is very common and many women experience it, but I really never knew it would feel like that until it happened. A feeling of emptiness inside. I knew deep down as soon as I started bleeding that I was losing the baby, I could feel it. My body felt different, it didn’t feel as though I was carrying my baby any more.

My fiancé was super supportive, I don’t like to show my emotions too often, but he just knew I needed him to cuddle and hug more often than usual and he always checked to make sure I was okay, so I have to say thank you to him because I know he was feeling upset about it all too. At first I was worried that it might be my fault, I started thinking about whether I drank before I found out or even if maybe I couldn’t carry a child but a week or two later……

I think I’m pregnant… that same feeling! I doubted myself and wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. I went to the pharmacy the first chance I had and this time I was reassured, it was a very strong positive line. I immediately phoned my fiancé and we were both in shock at the news, we were both a bit reluctant to fully come to terms with the news for a while because of what had happened last time. We were both extremely happy and felt blessed, but agreed we wouldn’t say anything to anyone and we would hold out on getting too excited until the 12 week scan had fully confirmed the pregnancy this time.

Then July came around and this happened…….

Great shot from the hubby to be

tears of joy from both of us as we gazed in amazement at our little baby.

It was now official and we could get excited about it again.

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